Yigal Peleg, 61, a colleague of Yatom’s who had been treating Defense Minister Ehud Barakfor Security Addiction Disorder (SAD), was found dead at his home in Tel Aviv Monday evening from an overdose of Valium. A suicide note indicated that Yatom’s failure had provoked widespread despair in Israel’s psychiatric community, which fears a therapeutic remedy for doublethink is much more remote than previously believed. Security Addiction Disorder, often characterized by blizzards of doublethink, is also now believed to be well nigh incurable.
The loss of two such highly successful analysts to clinical depression in such a short time has left Israel fearing a wave of “shrinkicides” may be in the offing. Many government officials are currently undergoing analysis, with virtually all of them sporting the same penchant for doublethink that drove Yatom and Peleg over the edge. If current treatments continue to prove ineffective, a psychiatric “Jonestown” could well be the result.
“Laypeople don’t realize the stress involved in treating ideology-induced psychosis,” observes Dr. Rafael Eilam, best-selling author of Zionist Lunacy On The Couch: The Perilous Quest For a Cure (Sanity Books, 2010). “Take Security Addiction Disorder. A client afflicted with this illness simply cannot perceive that domination and security are not the same thing. To dominate another is to guarantee insecurity , since the dominated instinctively seek to escape domination by any means available.” Given the almost total blindness of SAD patients to their own aggression, psychiatrists who treat them often can’t resist impulses to bash their own brains out with the nearest blunt object. This tends to reduce the quality of their subsequent research.
Similar problems confront psychoanalysts treating Massive Attack Disorder (MAD), which is said to be rampant among Israeli leaders. Patients afflicted with this dread disease lack the maturity to understand their own needs, let alone those of others, and destroy everything in their vicinity like a cranky toddler smashing his toys. The illness has a poor prognosis, as victims typically don’t notice that they are worse off in the wake of each tantrum. According to Dr. Eilam, Israel’s savage attacks on Lebanon and Gaza in recent years may be credited to their MAD proclivities, with both attacks having contributed substantially to Israel’s current pariah status.
In a somewhat surprising development, psychiatrists world-wide are rallying to support their embattled Israeli colleagues by forming a Free Israel movement. As their first major action they are planning to sail a flotilla to Tel Aviv loaded with humanitarian relief supplies for Israeli psychoanalysts and their high-profile patients; that is, tons of anti-depressants for the former and elephant tranquilizers for the latter. Flotilla organizers admit that these are only palliatives, but argue that the elephant tranquilizers in particular have been shown to be at least moderately effective in calming the symptoms of Zionist Infantile Outburst Neurosis (ZION), the most serious of which is a chronic impulse to rob, swindle, torture and murder all those who, in the victim’s judgment, which is by definition infallible, impede the onward march to the Zionist paradise.